the beginning

It all started last may with our trip back east to visit our family. It was a trip that sparked what we thought was just nostalgia driven curiosity, but which has turned out to be much more then that. It was the beginning of a journey homeward, a journey of faith and hope. This journey is one we hope will bring our family back to the place where my life started, a secluded farm in a small town far from where we now live, but very close to our families. We are looking to see what God will do and how he is working in our lives. We believe that he is guiding us back to this farm and back to our families. We believe that He is the one who is going to do it. We believe He is going to give us this farm. Crazy? Yes. Impossible? Yes. It is something only God can do and we look forward to seeing Him glorify Himself through our journey home.
A few days ago my father and sister were having a discussion about what it means to trust the Lord. My father told her this story.
"There were two farmers. Both believed that God was going to send rain. The first farmer sat on his front porch and waited. The second farmer went out and plowed his fields and planted them. Which farmer had more faith?"
When she retold the story to me, I knew we too needed to plow and ready our fields.
As a young child I lived with my parents and maternal grandparents. My memories are of days spent among family, lived out of doors, in a dusty horse barn, and in my grandmother's kitchen. I remember picking violets to make a tiny bouquet for my mother on Mother's Day. I remember walking through the woods looking for ground ivy to decorate our beams for Christmas with my father. There were mornings with my grandparents accompanied by warm pita bread and homemade hot chocolate while we watched the song birds outside the dining room window; brilliant red cardinals accompanied by their muted brown mates, elusive purple finches, those brutish blue jays, and jaunty black-capped chickadees. I have so many memories of this place, my first home. It has become home to me. I have always hoped for a place like it. A place where we could make these same memories with our children.
I have always wanted to go back and see the old place and share it with my husband. Last year when we were driving between my parents and my in-laws house, we decided to have a look. It was a grey day and a tree had fallen down blocking the road to the barn. Plus, we were arriving unannounced. So sadly we drove back down the long drive without having seen much more then the outside of the houses. Since my apparent curiosity had not been sated, we decided to find out from my family, the name of the family who had bought the farm from my grandfather over 20 years ago. I was surprised to find that the same family still owned it. I nervously called his place of business and left my name and number. I felt I just had to see it all again, that maybe we could someday rent the farm house from him, someday...
Due to my unease however, instead of leaving him my cell phone number, I left him our home phone number. I did not realize that he had returned my call until we returned to our home some 2000 miles away. When I called him back I received quite a shock. After all these years they were planning on selling the farm. It had been rented out for twenty some years, but now they were making plans to sell. He let me know some more particulars (including the purchase price which was way beyond our means) and I thanked him as we said goodbye.
Since then we have had our moments of hopefulness and our moments of despairing of the idea.

We have many obstacles to overcome. We need to sell our home which we are still remodeling. My husband would need to find a job in his field or start up on his own business. We have to move all of our worldly possessions halfway across the country. We have to come up with the money to buy back the farm.

Thankfully we don't have to do this alone. We felt lead to write this blog and to share our story. We believe that God is going to give us what we need to make this happen, as he sees fit.

Two mornings ago I was struggling with what to do. I was trying to make it happen. I wanted God to show me exactly how he is going to accomplish this. I called my sister on the phone and poured my heart out to her, my doubts and fears. She prayed with me for a long time and we talked to God about our hopes and worries. Worries that our feelings could lead us astray into presuming upon God instead of trusting in Him. After we said "Amen" I had no more answers then I had before we prayed but the Lord gave me his peace.

Later that morning I read to our children from a devotional book that they got from my mother-in-law for Christmas. I turned to the next reading and it was a chapter on faith. May these words ever reside in my heart, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). Like an arrow to my heart, like a soothing balm on wind chaffed skin were these words to my heart. There have been many moments like this along our journey thus far, and we pray that there will be many more. Moments when God reaches down through his word and speaks to our hearts. The accompanying bible story was that of Peter walking out on the water to Jesus (Matthew 14:28-31). Peter sank when he looked down at the water. Then he was afraid. He was already doing the "impossible" with Jesus, why did he even consider the water and fear? Why was I looking at our obstacles and fearing? If my hope is made of faith I can say with sure confidence "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28).

So this is part of our readying the soil for God's coming rain.

Soli Deo Gloria